From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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