u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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