am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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