Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
