Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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