Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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