You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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