how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
