I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
