My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
