I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
