i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
