i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
