i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
