she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize