he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
