There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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