the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
