I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
