So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
