I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
