I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
