I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
