I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
