Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
