There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
