I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
