I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
