When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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