shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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