Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
