Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
