Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
