My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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