I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
