i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
