i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
