My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize