Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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