They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
