my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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