I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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