The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
