I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
