After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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