Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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