Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
