are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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