tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
