hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
