How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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