get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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