you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
