You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
