I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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