She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
