Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
