i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
