Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's the barista slut.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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