Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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