Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
