im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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