He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
