my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You ate ashes out of my bong
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