And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
